.Its.Just.Me.This.Girl

2009-06-08T08:17:00.004+08:00

1, 2, 3..

Poof..

It's done.
I'm over you. :D

When I say I's stay, no matter how shiit-ly you treat me.
I will stay.
Casue it's just me, I don't give up on any of my dreams so easily.
But once I say I'd go, I'm gone forever too.

Bye melodys-emo-love.blogspot.com

I'd be shifting.
Cause memories should remain as it is.
And cause it's a whole new beginning for me.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((:

((: Bye bloggie. I love you.

Melody.
I'm finally free.

2009-06-07T14:55:00.013+08:00

Okay. I made my decision.
And to think I was thinking of staying.
Cause you went through enough pain.
Because you were going through such a tough time.

It didn't matter if I were at the background and all.

Silly girl. Silly silly girl.

I'm done being stupid.
Or being taken for granted or being stepped on.

Cause boy. I'm much more than a toy.

This round, I'm gone.
Really gone.

All I needed was a decision. ((:
3 months. 3 months. Finally. ((:

All the best you.

I need some time.
Melody.

2009-06-07T00:06:00.001+08:00

Though we often say we do understand.
We would not really. Until we're in it.
Of course we do understand, but not fully.
We try to picture how it might be, or how might the person feel.
But, from their perspective, things are often more serious than how you think it might be.
Or. It might actually affect them more than how you think it might be.

And though this is a fact,
it doesn't change the fact that a dead man is still living.

He's still entitled to choices.
And his say should not be of any less importance than any of us.

2009-06-06T22:25:00.019+08:00

I do not wanna blog about my feelings now.
Cause I'm crazily confused.

I'm gonna try cyphering outside my circle of friends.

My neighbor just asked a retarded question.
Do you wanna go out at night?

Zzz. LOL

Should I layer my hair? It's long already actually.
But becasue it's in a bunch it looks short. ((:

Making choices.
Tell me Lord, what's worth it? And what isn't? )):
Melody

2009-06-06T17:09:00.005+08:00

Oh shucks. I think I overworked myself. )):
Thurs night was spent mugging for paper.
Slpet for 2 hours. Zzz.
After exam. Catch movie with Diane, Jon, Marcus and all.

Jon came my house to play with doggie. ((:

Change went night cycling with Tpde.
I think the going there was relaxing. Quite relaxing.
Another night without sleep.
But the journey back at East Coast was killer.
I wanted to puke.

Took a bus back. yah. Dope right?
Nearly died then. Slept for an hour.
Met Jasmine, Dennis, Jennis, Ting Hui at 12 for lunch.
Photoshoot started at 1pm. Headed down tgt.
Catwalk pushed to Wed afternoon.

Zzz. Can die. I nearly puked there. I so swear.
I was like okay 2 mins. 2 mins. let me rest.
Thank God the photographers were really really nice.

Finished at 4pm.
Slept at Colin's place for an hour.
He sent me home after seeing my dead expression. ((:
He scolded me though for night cycling yest. But I'm glad I went.

Night Safrai will have to be pushed back.
I can't take it no more.

I can feel throat infection coming on.
Maybe I'd bring my bro to buffet after I wake up.

Feel like pampering him. I'm such a nice sis, RIGHT? ((: hahahas. jkjk. ((:

Daddy and mummy decided to have time alone today. LOL.

I'm gonna sleep. Zzz.
Bye.

Melody.

2009-06-05T10:39:00.008+08:00

My eyebags~~ Noooo~~
I'd sleep them off next week. Muhahahhas.
Cannot stand them anymore. ((:

last paper at 1~~!! yeahhs. LOL

Smiles aiyah. It's just a matter of mindset honestly.
If you guys think you all can last you guys will last okay? ((:

I think.
Fading of feelings is partly because of the failure to protect your love for the person, get it?
If you refuse to let it fade, it won't fade. ((:
Trust me, it won't.

I think you can either let the fights strengthen your love, or let it fade.
For me, it strengthens mine cause,
I get to see how much the person means to me, that I'm still sticking around. ((:
And how much I mean to him that he's still around.

And when patience runs out and you still can't decide what's the root of your problems.
That's when a breakup occurs. ((:

Your job is not to let that happen. ((:

Tough decisions.
What do you want girl?
Melody.

2009-06-04T16:33:00.009+08:00

I love him~~!!!
muhahahahas. ((:
He was happily licking my face.when we took pictures. ((:

He doesn't look too happy today.
don't understand why. ):

Smiles* I do not need people to know I'm kind and help people. understand?
I help people because I genuinely want to make the person's life better. ((:
Not for the bloody fame or woah, she's such a nice girl and all.
In fact, I don't really care if it's attributed to me or not.
As long as the person's feeling okay.
The praises and acceptance are not my motivation of helping people.
Honestly, that's lame. I'm more than that alright? ((:
I may not be extremely confident about my abilities.
But I am dead confident of who I am. My opinions character and all.

Went soap smelling with serene yest.
and I squeezed a bit of it to let it out.
casue cannot smell.
and it went SPLAT.
a huge pile on my nose. HAHA.

hahahahas. yah yah.
she had her fun laughing her ass off man.
Don't understand, why do these kind of things only happen to me? LOL.

hahahas. ((: terminator 3 was a dope show.
go watch if you haven't. ((:

HAHA. Fri night night cycling.
Sat morn. MORE catwalk lessons. HAHA.

Sat night night safari with my familyy~!!!
haha. yup. I planned it. ((: I'm really tying. ((:

Sunday photoshoot.

Going Malaysia next week with serene.
And my family. separately. ((:

New loves~!!

- Nougats~!!! :DD
- Coffeee~!! HAHAS helps me stay awake to mug. :D
- Adam Lamert. :D
- Body shop's aroma therapy. :DD
- smell of lavender. :D

Makes me happy. :DDDDDD

melody

2009-06-04T11:26:00.016+08:00

In the end, it's the little imperfections that you remember.
The stupid lateness, The dumb accidents that he has, the playing of bears.
the fact that it irks me off when we were out and he just picks up the phone and start chatting like you don't exist. Pisses me off.
And now, you laugh about everything. Silly him.
you look back on all the pics and remember all the sweet times.
you remember creating those memories.
You remember being there with someone really special.
look back on all the notes and you know, deep inside you know.
No matter how stupidly insensitive he is, and he shoots his mouth of whenever,
inside he's a softie, and so so so darn darn romantic on the inside.
looking back at the ring and know, it's a past that can never be replaced.
something you shared with that special some one.
a symbol of what was then, a symbol of the both of you.
a symbol of your love.
and now, a symbol of what's left of the person, a symbol of the past,
symbol of your memories.

It's his imperfections that makes him different.

I can't express.
I'm not given the blessing nor the opportunity to take care of him and be there for him,
so you guys do it. on my behalf. get it? understand?

tears

baby, I'd never forget you.

Melody

2009-06-03T11:15:00.004+08:00

I can't express.

I can't express.

I can't EXPRESS.

So many things. I wish I can.
So much love I wanna explode out.
Life is unfair isn't it? )):

I'm dressing up and going out today.
Just feel like. ((:

Melody.

2009-06-02T21:16:00.007+08:00

Dear Hongyu,

Muhahhahahas. Happy birthday dear.
Loves you. ((:

This is long over due post.
This guy has always been there for me.

Even at the weirdest times like 4am.

I can honestly say, I can never be more grateful for him to be in my life.
Who never fails to put a smile on my face. ((:
And I'm sorry I never thought, I would pissed you off so much,
By not telling you things that pains me time and time again..
and go through things myself. I know you really wanna be there for me,
it's really really good enough for me. ((: it has been and will always be good enough for me.

Thank you.

I'd bring you out. Some where nice to celebrate. ((:

------------------------------------------------------------------

If i could make a wish for you.
I wish your hair would grow faster.
So I can finally stop teasing you about it.
HAHAHAHAHAS.

hahahas, I'm such a bitch. :D

Melody.

2009-06-02T20:59:00.004+08:00

Enjoyed my own company today. ((:

-Went for facial.
-Had a good long long rest.
-Watch movie after movie after movie at home.

Been awhile since I did that.

Pamper myself. ((:

This had a lot of emotions? My bro nearly cried. hahahas.
Lousy brother. :X

Dope show.

Go watch please? ((:

Melody.

2009-06-02T10:43:00.010+08:00

My dear boy playng. hahahas.
yah. thats my finger. hahahhaas.

oh dear. )):

-caught a cold.
-nose getting red again.
-heavy eye bags.
-the pain in my gum affects my talking see how, becomes shh how. -.-

I look like a monsterrr~!!! ))))):
the horrendous effects of mugging. )):

the worst is over for me.
last paper on fri. ((:

go everyone~!! jia you~!!

go me~!!

melody.

2009-06-01T22:55:00.003+08:00

cause i said I'd make a conscious effort.
Love you daddy.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

today just came and went like that.
i survived on 4 hours of sleep for 2 days . ((:
tml will probably be 6 hours 3 days or something.

casue sat night i went out till 6am.
i had to wake up at 8am and send my puppy to the vet.
den my mum refused to let me sleep after. she wanted me to study soo. yups.

studied for my subs. went for both exams.
visit grandma. to look after her leg.
helped her do her housework.
study for tml's papers
went back school. met serene.
went studio wu open class.

2 hours of sleep dope eh?
now gotta mug for tml's paper. help me leh.
serious. zzzz.

i swear i cuddled at a corner of studio wu and just slept.
like flat in one corner. ((: lol.
the chreo was simple. beats were a bit tough.
but i didn't catch it. sleepy i guess.

fb is nightmare. lol. this one is really bad. can feel.
i dun even know what i'm doing. lols.

i'm blabbering.

melody.

2009-06-01T10:37:00.011+08:00

Hey all. ((: Hahahahas I'm feeling a lot better. ((:
I have two papers today. Talk about bad timing to feel like that right? Haha.

Last night was hell. Haha. Oh you won't wanna know.
But I'm glad I made it through. ((:

I'm glad she treats you well. :D
I'm happy for you in fact. Hahas.
Always smile. Alright? :D
And though I am forbidden to express the care and sweet stuffs that I have for you,
I'm glad she's there to do it. :D

I'd be happy. No matter who you're with baby boy.
As long as you're smiling alright? :D

Give blessings, time to leave.
If you want what's happiest for the person, you just gotta go.
You gotta let go. It takes A LOT A LOT from me to to say that.
And it killing me, I gotta admit.

But I know I want your happiness. :]
So this I will do.

Call me crazy, but I guess.
This is love. Isn't it?

Becasue I said I'd give anything up for your happiness.

bye baby, blessings given.
heart torn.
Melody.

2009-06-01T00:51:00.003+08:00

Finding. Searching.
Pieces of my heart.

Where are you? )):
Why aren't you back yet?

2009-06-01T00:28:00.004+08:00

I chanced upon this song.
and it tore my heart right out.

I'd be okay. I have to be. I have tests tml.

Things I regretted:
-Being too dependent on you.
-Not singing.
-Not cooking.
-Not dancing with you.

But fuck it. It's gone.

Okay, I'm not alright.
But I will be at least.

Back to square one for me.

enough, enough,
Melody.

2009-05-31T09:36:00.007+08:00

Today I pondered on the meaning of friendship.
Is our friendship really that fragile?
After 7 years of us. I thought I knew better.
But as years pass by. Seems. Like, it's fading real slowly.
We don't share stuff like we used to anymore.
Or hang out like we used to anymore. Just the two of us.
And troubles and problems. Be it yours or mine. are bring pushed aside and all.
Or rather. We don't even tell each other anymore and stuffs.
I feel extremely detached to you. And maybe it's my fault.
For being real busy and all. )): I'm not exactly sure why.

All i know is. This friendship's really worth saving.
And babe, i'm reaching out a hand asking.

Will you do it with me? ((((:

------------------------------------------------------------

I reached home at 6am last night. Hell mad.
And I'm up already. -.-

Last night. I realised. I'm not over it yet.
I think it will be a good long while before I actually am.
My neighbor reasoned it's because of that. Yah. That that.
That's why I can't get over him.

I don't know. Maybe?

I haven't seen someone so alike me before. Serious.
In terms of character and all. I have never seen someone so like me till yest.
just that she's friendlier. haha. ((:

I'm so tempted to get extensions again?

Melody

2009-05-30T23:52:00.000+08:00

Dance the night away.

2009-05-30T14:39:00.000+08:00

It isn't June yet and my schedule's packed already. Everyday. :D
Nah. I'm happy. I like it that way. ((:
But since it's the hols. I got more time.
So call me people. I wanna go out. Get drunk. Go clubs. Go session. Go beaches.
Kor I can even crash your lecture at Sp. HAHA. ((:

Got roadshow~~
From 12th to 15th June.
Photoshoot~~
The Sunday thereafter.

I wanna expand my social circle~~

Move move move move move move move move move move move move move move move,
Just gotta move.
I'm just internally pissed with myself,
Melody

2009-05-29T14:01:00.008+08:00

Emptiness.
Tearing.
Heartbreak.
Stabbed.
Insecurity.
Falling .
Climbing.
Tumbling again.
Scaling again.
Tripping again.
Finally Happiness.
Losing.
Lost.
Emptiness again.
..
..

It's a process. Life is a process.

My dance cui away. It's my confidence.
I can't excatly be very confident after what happened no?

Eveerything's falling apart. For me.
My family, My dance. What next?

I won't give up on both.
I'd start from scratch if I have to.
Cause I love them, and nothing comes free, I'd fight to keep both of them.
No matter how idiotically pain it can get. I'd forgive him.
But I won't let him injure me either.
Cause I will give as much as I can, for the people or things that I love.
But I won't let you step on me either.

---------------------------------------------------------------

I'd make my family right. ((:

No boundaries

Seconds, hours, so many days
You know what you want, but how long can you wait?
Every moment last forever.
When you feel you've lost your way.

What if my chances were already gone?
I started believing that I could be wrong.
But you give me one good reason.
To fight and never walk away.

So here I am, still holding on

With every step, you climb another mountain
Every breath, it's harder to believe
You'll make it through the pain, weather the hurricanes
To get to that one thing.

Just when you think the road is going nowhere
Just when you almost gave up on your dreams
They take you by the hand and show you that you can
There are no boundaries.
There are no boundaries.

I fought to the limit, to stand on the edge
What if today is as good as it gets?
Don't know where the future's heading
But nothing's gonna bring me down
I've jumped every bridge and I've run every line
I risked being safe but I always knew why
I always knew why

So here I am, still holding on

With every step, you climb another mountain
Every breath, it's harder to believe
You'll make it through the pain, weather the hurricanes
To get to that one thing

Just when you think the road is going nowhere
Just when you almost gave up on your dreams
They take you by the hand and show you that you can

You can go higher, you can go deeper
There are no boundaries above and beneath you
Break every rule 'cause there's nothing between you
And your dreams

With every step, you climb another mountain
Every breath, it's harder to believe

Yeah, there are no boundaries
There are no boundaries

With every step, you climb another mountain
Every breath, it's harder to believe
You'll make it through the pain, weather the hurricanes

There are no boundaries.
There are no boundaries.
There are no boundaries.

Go girl. ((: Anything's possible.
1st step is to believe. ((:

Melody

2009-05-29T08:59:00.003+08:00

Serene say she could see my lower jaw slightly swallon. Wth.
And the blue black on my face.

Please recover by KO night. Please recover by KO night
I dun wanna go looking like a puffer fish or something.
)))))))))))))):

I told my family doc about it. Gave me his personal address.
And number. ((: And my uncle called him up.
Saying he's gonna report it if it continues.
Report luh. I had enough. Seriously.
As long as I'm not the one reporting it's fine. Cause he's my dad.

I wanna finish studying I wanna go for open class on mon~!!!

Melody

2009-05-28T12:07:00.009+08:00

When I say freak it actually has the same weightage and seriousness as the word *uck
I just don wnat it to sound so vulgar.

He hit me again. & mummy wasn't around this time.

Reason: For going out yet without telling him
Which I darn message both mummy and him.
I showed him the darn message and he ignored it, he totallly did.
Oh i fact, he freaking bloody flung my phone right across the floor.
And it landed all in pieces. And my mico memo card went missing. Freak him.

And he slapped me. And demanded to know why I went out. That dumbass.
"I give you 6 seconds to tell me"
"1.. 2.. 3.. "
"I told you already what, it's in the message"
"4.. 5.. 6.."
And 4 slaps were delievered right across my face. Along with 2 punches on my right arm.
Oh he totally ignored me. That fucker.
The whole process happened about 6 times. Including the retarded counting.
Yes, I was FREAKING slapped near 30 times and punched over 12 times.
Oh no. It was no exgeration, the pain was real I tell you.
It left me giddy unable to stand and momentarlly deaf. I hate him like mad.
My whole bisecp was covered in blue black.
And both my cheeks were swallon, my whole cheekbone hurts, up to my ear, and down my lower jaw. Both sides.
And there's a slight blueblack if you see carefully.
Think it's over? Guess again.
He pushed me down to the ground and kicked me repeatedly.
Den he threw a bloody mug at me.
And he wnet up to take a hanger to hit me.

At the end of everything, I could taste Blood in my mouth.
My nose bleed and there were blue balcks on my lower back.
My cheeks were swallon. Blueblanks on my bicep. and all.
I hate him to the max.

I didn't cry throughout the whole thing. I mean, it's not pride or what.
I just didn't cry. It was pain. Darn pain. But I dunno excatly why either I didn't cry.

But after he had his share of fun, I stood in the same corner and frooze for almost 5 mins.
I was afriad & scraed I guess. God, I could have never been more more frightened than this.
After that, I slid down to me knees and sobbed like mad.
And examined all my wounds. )):

Compared to last year, it's a lot better already. It happened once every week last year.
And I swear I never actually told anyone the details and all.
But it was really really really really hell for me.

I would have freaking hit him back long ago. I would have. Oh I so would have.
Mercilessly in fact, Very much mercilessly.
I do not care if he's my dad. Doesn't give him the right at all to injure me like that.
His affairs were his darn mistakes. NOT MINE.
Why take it out on me. Dumb fucker.

The only reason why I'm stopping myself from doing so is because:
-If I were to really fight with him & he'd hit me more thereafter.
-I need a home, he can chase me out and trust me my mom cant do anything about it. trust me sh cant, she can threaten to fall out with him and all. But i know she wouldn't becasue she's afraid of losing him. Anywyas I don't wanna drag more relationships down. I rather she not.

Sometimes I am in the wrong. Oh. Yes. I'd admit.
I'm no perfect child either. And times like that.
I'd try to understand why he do that.
Even though it doesn seem to be a good enough reason to hit me.

My neighbour actually dragged me down to see a doc.
Cause the injuries were bad. My inner gums got cut too you know?
And my throat hurts. Not the sore throat kind.
But the inner blueblack kind. I dunnoe how to explain.

Emotionally. I'm alright. ((: HAHA. Just need a day or two to get my confidence back.
Physically... ... I's be okay I guess. It will heal no?

"I meant to scar you and cut off your hair tonight"
What kind of a dad says that? )):

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Though all of that happens,
I'm happy for stick~~ He's feeling a lot better.
Muahahahas. SMILES okay?? ((:
Don't snap. ((: I'd buy loads of glue for you on your b'day. ((:
HAHAHAHAS. ((:

No matter what, I'd always be happy
Melody

2009-05-27T10:50:00.004+08:00

Lord. Is it in your plan that. I will fall in love again?

I woke up today. And it hit me again.

Emptiness.

2009-05-26T22:37:00.008+08:00

Met Eulene and Suria after school.
Headed down to arts museum. HAHA.

People.. Believe it? These pics are from my phone cam.
Ahhh~~ So cool eh? ((:

Session-ed after that. ((:
Jas Koh, Serene, Alson, Mev, Jonas. ((:
Wee~ I LOVE YOU ALL~!!! Haha. ((:

HAHAHAS. Kor. So you expect me to plan your b'day party?
I'd see how luh huh?? HAHA. :P
Maybe if you buy a Tiffany and Co bag or something.
I might consider? HAHAHAHAS. :D

Melody

2009-05-26T12:04:00.008+08:00

Keeps me wondering if I have one hour left to live,

I would.

-Write a letter to my family and individual friends to say how much they meant to me
And where ever I end up in, I'd always remember them. ((:
-Confess to the person I love. Whether is unrequited or requited.
-Have sex. HAHA. I'm serious. -.-
-Dance, Sing.
-Go to the beach and die peacefully. HAHA.

I just planned my death. LOLS.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Taylor Swift-- Our song.

I was riding shotgun with my hair undone in the front seat of his car
He's got a one-hand feel on the steering wheel
The other on my heart
I look around, turn the radio down
He says baby is something wrong?
I say nothing I was just thinking how we don't have a song
And he says...

[Chorus:]

Our song is the slamming screen door,
Sneakin' out late, tapping on your window
When we're on the phone and you talk real slow
Cause it's late and your mama don't know
Our song is the way you laugh
The first date "man, I didn't kiss her, and I should have"
And when I got home ... before I said amen
Asking God if He could play it again

I was walking up the front porch steps after everything that day
Had gone all wrong and been trampled on
And lost and thrown away
Got to the hallway, well on my way to my lovin' bed
I almost didn't notice all the roses
And the note that said...

[Repeat Chorus]

I've heard every album, listened to the radio
Waited for something to come along
That was as good as our song...

Cause our song is the slamming screen door
Sneaking out late, tapping on his window
When we're on the phone and he talks real slow
Cause it's late and his mama don't know
Our song is the way he laughs
The first date "man, I didn't kiss him, and I should have"
And when I got home, before I said amen
Asking God if He could play it again

I was riding shotgun with my hair undone
In the front seat of his car
I grabbed a pen and an old napkin
And I... wrote down our song

Signing off to school. HAHA
Melody

2009-05-26T08:41:00.008+08:00

Hi people. I have grey eyes now. ((: Muahahhaas. ((:
Not bad eh? ((: I like.

Yest at suntec. HAHAS.

OMG. Next bf. Can I have. pleasyyy pleaseeeeeee?? ((:
*gives puppy eyes* So prettyy..

Back at home~~ ((:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Quoted from Sc's blog sometime back.
Love truly.
Kiss slowly
Forgive quickly.

I'm not looking for a perfect relationship or a perfect guy.
I don't believe it works that way. No one's perfect for each other?
I'm looking for an imperfect one. With many ups and downs.
And when that person is willing to stay around through all of the heartache and crazy stuff.

You know he's the one.

Melody.

2009-05-25T23:10:00.000+08:00

Oh no.

I'm dreading face book video again. -.-

2009-05-25T10:22:00.012+08:00

Do not try me.

I repeat.

Do not try me.

I may be nice. kind. seem easy to bully and all.
But. I can be a total bitch if I want to.
Because I'm not dumb to sit there and just get shot at without saying anything.

I'm fine with the explanations. I don't care how harsh they were.
Because I'd admit I totally deserved it.
But the insults were totally uncalled for.

I'm not the same girl whom I was.
Insult me previously. I'd keep my cool and go in a clam tone Fine. It's okay. What's wrong?
I'm still kind and more than willing to help anyone.
I'd go 100000 miles if I have to.
But then again. I'm not stupid enough to just sit there and get insulted at.

Melody

2009-05-24T22:44:00.002+08:00

When I'm hurt. I'd breakthrough a lot.
All the pent up emotions will go into whatever I'm doing.
And it'll explode. Suddenly. Muahahhas.
Seriously. HAHAS. So there's good and bad.

Miss Melody Thiam Huijing.

GET A GRIP.

You shall:
- Go back modeling next week.
- Session like hell. And I mean like hell.
- STUDY.
- Do up your blog shop stuff.
- Go buy paint for your room and start painting it.

Melody.

2009-05-24T11:36:00.005+08:00

I crushed a snail.

)))))):

I know right? It was an accident.
An accident which made me feel like dying with guilt.
Sigh. )):

KO night was dope. I think the poppers are freaking sexy. :X
But halfway while queuing I felt a little unwell.
Headed to the toilet bowl and vomit. HAHA.
I have no idea why. ((:

I might be every close to some guys.
But I need to be clear. It's just as friends to me.
I can joke laugh and play and be real close.
But truth is, I don't open up to guys a lot. About how I'm feeling and all. Esp pain.
It's just as friends. ((: I don't wanna hurt anyone.

)(*&^%$##$%^&*&^%$#@#$%^&*(*&^%$#@#$^&$#@#$%^&$#@#$%^&#@#^&^$#@#^&^$#@#
&#$%^#$%^#@#$^$#@#$%^%$#$%$#$%$#
&^%$#$%^&*&^%$#@#$%^&*&^%$#@#$%^&^%$#@#$%^^%$#@
OMG.

It still doesn't make me feel any better. -.-

Melody.

2009-05-22T11:02:00.005+08:00

I won't say anything to hurt anyone.

2009-05-22T10:01:00.005+08:00

My heart's breaking again.
I feel so darn empty again.
Tell me why I always feel this way?

Everytime. I think that I'm okay.
Some thing will hit me badly.
It's a once a week thing to emo.

Yah. I'm crying. But I really don't wanna hurt anymore.
So tempting. To jump into another's arms and just lay there dead.
But no, it's something I won't do.

I dun wanna break down in school nor break down in tut.
I can feel my tears welling up already.

Kill me? I think it'll be easier like that.

I wanna run away.
Someone, anyone, please just take me somewhere safe, please?

2009-05-21T23:38:00.001+08:00

On wed.

Thank you.

2009-05-21T08:43:00.007+08:00

Hmms. Things I need to do:

-Buy a PINK file, sort out all my tuts. (Today)
-Buy printer ink for my darn printer (Today)
-Print out this week's notes. (Today)
-Start revising for mid sem. (Today)
-Finish up the darn projects. (Today)
-Shipping info for blogshop. (Today)
-Find more products for blogshop. (Today)
-Pay for darn dance fees/ticket fees. (Tml)
-Control my darn debit card expenss. (NOW)
-Buy Zorro's food. (Today)

I really need to get my butt moving.
Need to get a grip of myself.
I'm starting to screw things up again.

-------------------------------------------------------

I've been through enough to know that.

True love cannot be found.
But rather it's something you work towards to.

2009-05-20T11:04:00.004+08:00

He scratches his belly using his hind legs and his butt will slide backwards.
He pounces on my toes.
He humps my leg. -.-
He chews on my fingers.

He is so freaking cute.

Baby boy, you got my heart. ((:
I really love him a lot.

Gonna help out in dog farm tml~!!!
I really can't wait~!!!! muahahahhas.

)): I'm not looking for any relationships okay? )):
Please stop pressuring me. )):
I wanna keep our friendships alive. Please. ))':

2009-05-18T09:49:00.016+08:00

It's not meant to be only when you say it's not meant to be.
I believe nothing in this world is unattainable.
Only how much you want it. And at what price. (:
Personally I feel this apples to both one's personal dreams and love.
If you can't even take the risk. Darn right.
What makes you think you have the right to dream or fall in love in the 1st place?

To all you crazy souls out there. ((: LOLS.
If you want to be a dancer. Den be one.
If you want to love, den love with all your heart.
Live life to the fullest and give everything you've got.
Cause it's like what lianghao said.
It's a game. Where no one gets out alive anyway.

My dreams will turn into my reality.
Melody.

2009-05-16T23:17:00.001+08:00

)))))))))))))))))''''':

2009-05-16T13:53:00.011+08:00

He stares blankly at you.
His eyes follows yo where ever you go.
He pounces crazily at any moving objects.
He chew ferociously at his squeaky toy.
He pees and poops everywhere.
He pushes the darn toy out of his cage to get attention from you.

He's darn smart in getting attention.
INCLUDING peeing everywhere and whining afterward.

Oh he's hell of a whiner alright. Esp at night. When he's lonely.

Hi people. This is Zorro. ((:
This furball has been my greatest joy yet such a pain in the ass for the past one day.
I've been cleaning pee and shit watching him run about for the past one day.

The only time that I can go out when he's sleeping. yest night.
But.. mummy was doing work till 4?
4am... 4am. who does work till then?

Had to skip both orientation and xinyi's cycling thingy. )):
KO night. Tempting. I dun know if I should.

I'm afraid he'd get lonely. )):

Mummy says I being over protective of him.
But it's natural to be protective of the things or people that we love no? ((:

You might be SUCH a pain in the ass.
I think I will get tired looking after you after awhile.
But I'd never stop doing so or loving you baby boy.
Never will I neglect you too. Hugs*
I'd really take care of you and love you like no other.

And when I say I'd take care of something or someone. I'd do it.

ISSUES TO BLOG. TML. Lazy. ((: HAHA.

2009-05-15T09:04:00.011+08:00

Heh. Went down for shoot yest.
And another commercial practice thingy.
Colin wants me to do them. Which as quoted "You suck." HAHA.
I SUCK AT COMMERCIALS.
I feel really really really fake when I do them.
I don't understand how actors can pull it off.

Kor how do you act in that chi drama without feeling fake?
Tell me? HAHA. Serious luh.

Breakthrough... RAWR~~

Headed down to Xinyi's place. Discussed blog shop.

My duties:
- Accounting duties.. How much have to earn. Breakeven. Blah blah,
- Shipping duties. Find out which is the cheapest, Call up, Settle shipping.
- Find and Update stock.
- Take turns to post for each collection.
- Money joint account.

Btw, I know the person who supply sexy diamond in Singapore. ((:
Anabelle's friend. Wonder if I should do it?
But a bit big scale? Maybe later on in the business.

HAHAS. I'm 24/7 high these days.
Besides the occasional empty-ish moments.

I'm pretty much balanced now.
Love, Dance, Family, Piano, Modeling, Friends.
The only thing still out of place is my studies.
As in I am going school, But it's the revision thingy that's lacking.
Discipline girl~~

Are you a friend? Or a foe?

2009-05-14T13:11:00.002+08:00

I wanna change people's definition of love.

2009-05-14T08:29:00.010+08:00

Just when I thought it was all better.
And happier. This hallow empty-ish feeling hit me yet again when I woke up today.
I feel so vulnerable weak and scared today. Like anything can hurt me from anywhere.
I feel like I am in the battlefield?
Where like 100s of arrows can shoot at me from anywhere and anytime.
And I am preparing for it and feeling damn scared at the same time?
I guess there's no need to hide how I feel.

Cause it's just me.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And I got photo shoot later?
"Elegantly sexy?"
But I don't feel sexy at all. )):
God. I really really hope it'll be okay. )):

Yest was sessioning with Hakeem and the rest for suntec. ((:
I tell you. It was really fun. ((: HAHA. ((:
Really really really really fun. ((:
Lets do this more often?? ((:

I have issues to blog about again.
But probably tml. Darn lazy now. HAHA.

Btw, I'm glad stick's doing a lot better. :)))
I really am. :D
I'm so tempted to draw a line?
HAHA. And post it here. :X hahahahahas.
But that will be awfully mean.

2009-05-13T10:38:00.026+08:00

Now that I'm not in a relationship. I can comment right?
I mean I have a better view of what I want need and stuff.

Horoscope Overview

Today, someone's brilliant one-liner will do more than tickle your funny bone -- it will ignite a tiny spark in your heart. Few people realize how having fun can lead to romance, though you have always understood the connection. Your ideal mate is more likely to be someone who makes you smile than someone who makes you swoon. Remember this when you are considering which crushes to pursue. Hold off on accepting an invitation from anyone who's coming on too strong.

I agree. I need someone who can make me smile and have loads of fun.
That means spontaneous. Crazy. Pokes fun at each other.
Run around madly on the beach. ((:
Rather than the sweetsy-itsy thingy. ((:
Of course I rather have both. But if I gotta choose. ((: I rather have a fun relationship.
I mean I do like that. But I realise you can't feel sweet 24/7, impossible.
HAHA. Will get seasoned to it. ((:
But laughters. Just by themselves. ((: Might be possible.

Awww. But being me..
But I'd still be really sweet to my next bf of course. :X
HAHAHAHAHA. ((: I'm joking okay?? HAHAHAS. ((:

((: I'd not give up on my future bf no mater what. ((:
Yah. I may get really really tired of him or something. Dying tired and all.
But Nah. Cause I don't see why I should give up.
If I can pursue my own dreams so crazily.
So feverishly, give up so much pain and hard work.
Setback after Setback after Setback after Setback after Setback.
I don't see why I should give up on my loved one.
It's pretty retarded for me to go for someTHING so much,
and yet when it comes to someONE, I give up.

And no, it's not mismatch in personalities. I don't really believe in that.
Because, no one is made perfect for each other.
It's just how well you work together.
And not how sweet it can get.
It's like. working together and fun are the basics.
And sweetness is the after foundation part. -.-

I seriously hope I make sense. HAHA.

That means. For my previous relationship.
It was screwed from the beginning.
Wrong focus. Cause we only concentrated on how to make it sweet?
At least I did. Without building the foundations there.
Management of it was really bad.
Ah wells. I gotta just learn I guess.

Sum it all up.
I NEED a person who makes me laugh and someone I can work well with.
but I do WANT it to be sweet.
Hmms. But as usual. Want is something really desired.
And need would be something taken for granted.

I'm really think I'm writing a bit of liteartir-ish essays nowadays.
This place is becoming my diary. -.-

Did I mention I love my best friend a lot? ((:
She's really special to me. Hugs* 7 years of friendship.
And I never ever thought a friend could mean so much to me.
Till you came about. ((:

Someone like me

Don't let your head rule you heart
Don't let your world be torn apart
Don't keep it all to yourself
Just let all your emotions run free with someone like me
That's the way it should be
Someone like me

I know Its hard when you're feeling down
To lift your feet up off the ground
We make mistakes but doesn't everybody
You don't always have to agree with someone like me
That's the way it should be
Someone like me

We know the story so far (what you want and who you are)
What you want and who you are (Free)
Let all your emotions run free
You don't always have to agree
With someone like me
That's the way it should be
Someone like me
Someone like me

I've matured a lot.
Melody. ((:

2009-05-12T22:40:00.005+08:00

I have a dope brother, people. ((:
I really do. ((: Thanks Hongyu. ((:
For always doting on me. ((:

I think Lianghao's post makes sense. Should go read. ((: A lot of issues there.
http://www.jallenkwa.blogspot.com/
But what if someone lost hope? Completely and totally?
So much so they refuse to give love another shot? I'm sure there are people like that. LOL.
Is it better not to have loved that particular person in the 1st place?
HA. I'm not referring to me. I'm gonna get married I assure you. HAHA.

I have issues to blog about too.
I'm just being more. Analytical these days? LOLS.
But I'd leave that till tml.
Cause it's 11pm. And my dad's stern stare indicates I off the computer now.

I have a sad sad life?
Don't you think?
But I have my dearest brother and lovely lovely lovely friends that makes it all worth while.

2009-05-12T11:12:00.007+08:00

Yesterday..

((: God is dope. HAHA. I decided to head down to the beach within my 3 hour break.
I was sobbing my eyes out on bus 15. Yah. It refused to stop.
The pain was so unbearable. I thought I would die of over-cry or something. LOLS.
Tears were streaming down like over flooded rivers. It was really really bad.
I tried telling myself, I was in public, but my tear ducts remained defiant.
My eyes were BLACK. and PUFFY from the overnight crying. HAHA.
And when I was nearing Pasir Ris interchange, God decided to make it funny.
By playing "Just by laughs" on the bus TV?
In which my irritating tears stopped. ((: A smile emerged from my tear-streaked face.
And finally dumb laughters. ((: HAHA. cool right? ((:
Totally spoiled my beach-ing mood. LOL. But I'm glad he did.
Cause it was the only day dunnoe since when I couldn't snap out of my zomb-ish state.

Headed back to Tamp, finished up my book in Starbucks. Felt empty again.
Why does happily ever after seem so darn easy on a book? )):
Mine was just, Skip happily ever after, The End. -.- I hope I'm making sense. LOL.
And Lord, being Lord, did his miricle, My phone rang at that very instant. ((:
It was Colin~!!! *screams* ((: Shoot's on Thursday at 3pm. ((:
"Look elgantly sexy and wear a push up bra" HAHAHAHAS.
How to be upset? LOLS. ((:

Afterwards., Met up wth Serene and Jas outside cheers.
And Jas pointed at the darn bird and claaed out my name. FRIENDS INDEED. HAHA.
But I love them with all my heart can ever love. (("
True friend are really hard to come y, the ones that stick to you no mater what.
And I'm just glad they're mine. ((:

Night, proves to be emoish for Fion May and I. We just sat and talked and nearly cried.
And I could relate to whatever Fion was saying. And no,
I don't find it stupid nor dumb, or so freaking screwed up that she's still hurting at this point.
Den it dawned on me, how long am I actually gonna take to fully get over him?
Really cut out the two weeks crap taget cause, it's ridiculous.
Unless what Hongyu says, I'm gonna find another guy whom I can devote to.
Ugh. He can totally read my mind okay? He can tell me how I would handle this sitauation.
And it's more than accurate. -.- RAWR~~~ Dope. ((:

This point of my life, is the point where I feel, like I'm falling in love with 500 different guys.
But it isn't like that? ((: Just feels like it.
Cause of the comfort love and security they provide. And that's not love at all. I know.
I won't hurt anyone or lead anyone on in this process.
The pain I'm experiencing now.
Is probably retribution for what I did back in my sec school days.
Pfft. I'd never play with anyone's heart again. HAHA. that's for sure. ((:

((: I'm sorry for the really lengthy post.
It's just a way of releasing my pain. (:
I'd try to lighten up by tml. ((:
Den it won;t be so dark and gloomy here. HAHA. ((:

2009-05-11T06:31:00.004+08:00

Maybe as my heart breaks the 500th millionth time tonight.
It's tearing me up inside. Ripping every soul and will that I have left.
I am tired. So tired of fighting it away. Fighting it off.
That I just wanna collapse on the ground and die. Sometimes.
The excruciating pain that I thought I'd never have to go through again hit me once more.
Yes, that empty-ish, heart-ripping, fucking crazy feeling that I'm feeling.
The same feeling's thats keeping me awake right now.
Whats this man? I question myself over and over again.
And I always fucking find myself back in the same pit.
Love.

Love kills when you don't handle it well.
Love tortures when you let it walk all over you.
Love is bitterness when misued, mistreated.
Love is yet, the very meaning of our lives.
Love is yet the emotion that makes it all worthwhile.
Love is yet something that CAN make you warm and fuzzy all over. Safe and protected.

But for now. Love has been nothing but heart wrenching cryings and empty heartbreaks.
Yet, you know the worst has yet to come girl,
Very soon he's gonna say he loves someone else.
And that, you just gotta be preapared for.

Fuck luh. I'm afriad. Yah. I am. And right now.
I dun have the courage nor willpower to to this.
I feel like running away.
I wonder. How much is it gonna hit me.
I FREAKING DUN WANNA DIEEEEEEEEEE. UGHHH.
How do I express that I really don wanna die?? Urghhhhhhh.
I don't want to admit. But I'd be more of a coward if I try to hide.
I'm extremely afraid of this blow. Damn freaking scared it will kill me.

Btw, I've been stagnant for quite awhile.
Haven been doing much except playing around.
And hanging out.
I was out 3 consecutive nights.

Blog shop's discussion's going on great. :D
Seems like the whole layout is there. :))
And stuff.

Wheres for dance. HAHA. I haven been practising and all.
HAHA. Yah. Tell me about it. LOLS.

Zorro's coming in next week. ((:
Ah wells. He's freaking plump. Looks like a ball of fur runing around. HAHA.
When he looks at you with those puppy eyes and tilted head. HAHA.
You'd just melt right into this little furball's paws.

Modelling's stopped too. ((:
Yah. I have been slacking. ((:

But yet I got time to hang out with my friends. ((:
Lovely. ((:

Thanks Kor kor. For always bein there for me. (((:
To shower me with love and random little things that you do. ((:
Loves you. <3 I'd always be here for you too. ((: Okay? ((:

2009-05-10T23:28:00.003+08:00

It's funny how things turn out. Sighs. )):
I trip over my own feet, always )):
Cause I guess that's how clumsy I am. )):

2009-05-07T23:26:00.002+08:00

I realise. You can't trust everyone.
I gave you a few chances. Sorry.

Kill me man.
Seriously. I rather die den to go through this.

2009-05-05T06:57:00.011+08:00

Cause.. I'm breaking free.
In dance. And in love.

Smiles. Each day. God gives me a reason to smile.
And today's reason will be. Realization. ((:

HAHA. I completed my homework.
Met Kamil in the morning. ((:
Caught up. Headed down to lecture.
Met Caledaer. Crapped in class. ((:
He wanted to borrow my dad's car. O.O
So damn sweet of him right? Drive hs family out.

Omg. HAHA. It was the craziest 12 8s yest.
Throughout the entire lesson I was pulling my hair. HAHA. (:
But I had so so much fun. ((: It was crazy amount of fun.
I have fun having stress. HAHA. ((: Freaking weird.
And there were loads of dope dancers there. ((: Yeahs~!!!
I'm still high because of it. HAHA. ((:

And Serene, Jasmine and Hongyu totally made my day. ((:
I'm so so so happy I see you~~ :D But I'm really really really glad I did too. ((:
HAHA. ((: Love you girls, and guy. ((:

Bryant's bringing me to watch sunset too. ((:
After his leg recovers. Look boy, Your leg will recover. ((:
It will. Just have faith. ((:
Look you stay so near, need like anything gimmie a ring.
And if it's some crazy operation you have to go through.
I'd promise I'd be there for you.
Like at the hospital itself. ((: Okay? I promise. ((:

I should get my driving licience soon. ((:

Anyone going clubbing soon? ((:
Let me know okayyysss?? ((:

Today--> Study with Serene, Jas. ((:
Wed --> Photo shoot. Plus more dance classes.
Thurs --> Session with Hakeem, Nicole. And Xinyi, Blog shop.
Friday --> NOTHING so far. Maybe go down class myself. ((:
Sat --> Cycling with Xinyi, Sc, Lh.
Sun --> Family dayyy~~!!

God. )): I've been trying to tell you that one year ago. )):

I'm not gonna blog everyday anymore.
Getting a bit lazy. ((: HAHA.

Loves bird brain,
Melody. HAHA. LOLS.

2009-05-03T13:53:00.022+08:00

I'm at starbucks.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I push you all away.
Cause I don't wanna get too close.
I don't want you all to get the wrong impression.
I meant it when I say I wanna stay single.
I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt anyone get it?
It's not nice to hurt anyone.
Don't fall for me. Please. Don't.

I just wanna have my own space to achieve my own stuff now.
In my dance, in my modeling, in piano.
Yah. I wanna be dope~ In everything. Yah kill me man.

I swear. If dance were human.
I'd totally buy a ring for err. it now.
HAHA. But I love it a lot.
But I'm not sure if it likes me back. ))':
Cause of the occasional screw ups and all. )):
*sulks* Lols. ((:

Right this random incident, I was walking down with Serene at Cluck Kuey one night.
And this American. I think he's American,
Sprayed his beer all over me.
)&^%$%^&*((&^%$ And he can laugh about it.
That idiot. HAHA. Lols.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I changed. A lot. Again.
Why am I always going through this phase of change?
I feel I got a lot better emotional control now.
OH HELL YAH. They're killing me becasue I keep giving in to them.
So they just add more and more each time.
Curfew, 9.45pm? Go out only twice a week? Weekend must spend with parents.
Sleep at 11.30? Phones off at 12am.

After they said that. I just said I'm going out.
Went to starbucks. Whip out a book. Ordered Frapachino.
And started reading. And if you don't think I'm pissed with them I freaking am.
I'm so freaking.. Irritated.

And there's no way I'm gonna stick by those, I'd totally become introvert,
Maybe when I calm down.
I;d try talking to them.
That's if they don't insist on exerting their parental authority.

James and Joey's fighting a lot too. )):
I think it's the same issue. I guess every couple has to go through that stage. )):
There was this period. Sam Kw also. Frankie and Joyce too. )):
Ah wells. It's a couple phase. But I guess after that phase. Its happy-ish.
Like Joel and Eulene. ((: HAHA.
Right now, I rather not need my future bf. Whoever he might be. HAHA.
And stay with him by choice.
I don't know. But I feel. Desire for a person is always stronger than a need no? hmms.
Anyway, with that distance from each other, I bet can appreciate each other more too.

My life isn't perfect.
But I'm really happy with it now. More than happy.
I have friends who love me a lot.
I have my goals, aims and my own career path.
I have passions and loves which I can't live without.
I have God, by me always, to see I don't fall too hard.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Headed down to Changi beach by myself. ((:
I enjoy time by myself now. ((:
More of I need time by myself now. HAHA. ((:

My family joined me later. ((:

OH MY FREAKING GOD. I told you I screwed up Justis class.
AND IT REALLY CAME TO HAUNT ME ON FB. OH MY GOD.
MORE CLASSES FOR HUIJING. OH MY GOD.
I'm gonna vomit blood. really. My catching of chero is terrible.
Wait my everything is. OH MY FREAKING GOD.

Melody

2009-05-02T11:08:00.005+08:00

Should I even go tonight?
Honestly, I don't really feel like going.
HAHA. ((: I should spend time with my family.
We'd see how luh. ((:

BYE. ((:

2009-05-01T10:54:00.011+08:00

In respect to what lianghao blogged.
I feel, if you don't love yourself,
You can't feel the love other people have for you.
And yes, that's when you'd take everyone for granted because.
Hey, the love that they're giving you.
Its only gonna be just nice for you and you alone.
how do you expect to love or feel loved with an half empty heart or in this case a heart or love which is enough to fulfill only yourself?

And yes, if you're asking me. ((:
I am falling more and more in love with myself each day.
I guess the trick's to be gentle with yourself, but not at the expense of hurting others. ((:

Off to catwalk lessons. ((:
Hee.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

You told me. you wanna make your loved ones smile and really happy. ((:
And you did. ((: Thank you.
You told me you wanna be a better person by bringing happiness around.
I already think you are already.
You told me you dun wanna to become bad because of the environment and your future workplace.
And I'm telling you. You won't.

Thanks for everything tonight. ((:

Jia you Ko night people. ((:
Jonas, Audrey, Niger Ter, Kevin and all.

Jia you you. ((:

Melody

2009-04-30T20:56:00.013+08:00

I got a strong feeling he's gonna be okay tonight. ((:
Go for it, alright? ((:
Don't ever give up okay?? ((:
Work your balls out tomorrow. ((: HAHA.
You're gonna do it. Cause firstly you're a dope dancer. ((:
And because, Secondly, I'd be right behind you. ((:
That's why. ((:

Hey peeps---
I'm feeling A LOT happier already actually. ((:
I swear luh. It's the lack of communication with outside people.
HAHAHAHA. ((:

I might wanna go club with kor kor tonight.
Either that, or I'm heading to Sc's house to drink.
Or my neighbor's house to watch movies. ((:
Or I may go find Gary. If THE bitch is free. ((: HAHA.

Either one's good.
Sunset with kor kor tml. ((:
And catwalk lessons. ((:
And dinner with family. ((:

Sessioned with Hakeem, Nicole and Fas today. ((:
HAHAHAS. I tried a handstand.
Thanks Hakeem for all the encouragements.
Finally got it. For 1 sec? HAHA. Tragic me. )):
So now, more blue blacks. )):

Did one modern flip~!!!! Cool shit.
Why do I get a feeling I'm gonna enjoy modern more than hiphop?
Because it's more graceful? HAHAS. ((:
Yes. I'm crossing over this year. ((:
And I'm taking up belly dance with Serene soon.
Freaking hot. ((: HAHAHAHA. =X Lols.

Btw, I miss Jonas. Freaking random. I know. )):
But I do.

Baby's Zorro's not coming this week.
He's sick. Gotta stay at the pet's store for a bit more. )):
Awww. )): But also good. Can go support KO night. HAHA.
Reggae classes this Sat. ((:

And more blog shop discussion with xinyi on Sunday. ((:

Hi, I need to session.
Can anyone call me when they wanna session PLEASE?
I really wanna learn. ((:

Gen, hugs* Take care okay?? )):
Please please please please.
Take care of yourself babe. Understand?
Need me get anything for you in the middle of night or what.
Please just msg me or what. But I know you won't.
Ahh. I wish I could help you more.
I;d pray. I'd really pray for you.
I love you.

Looks like, I got myself back
Melody.

2009-04-30T08:56:00.017+08:00

Wolverine. Is a dope show.
Love it to bits. ((:

Headed down to Justis' class.
And I feel like vomiting. Yes.
That's how stress I am when doing chero. HAHA.
Cannot must breakthrough. ((: Even for cheors. ((:

MY ALIGNMENT AH. sighs. )):

Oh no. And I know its up somewhere on Fb.
And I screwed up. -.-
HAHA. I hope it doesn't come back and haunt me or something. LOLS.

And I can't get my freestyle right yest too. )):
Gotta get it back. And I'm getting tired of my songs. LOLS.
Time to switch songgss. ((:

I got nothing on today. ((:
I'm becoming an introvert.
Cause daddy won let me go online at night.
AND. My phone isn't working.
How to contact people after school?
And he expects me to be home at 10 every night.

What to do?? -.-
Honestly, I think he's killing my life.
I haven't talk to people besides serene for like 4 days already.
But no point blaming him I guess.
If he wants it that way, just gotta play by his dumb ass freaking shity ass-ed up rules.
(Oh yes, I am pisssed)
And still have time and means to communicate with my friends.
Without the bloody phone and the bloody com at night.

Just gimmie a few days. will get to it.
Got no energy to do anything these days.

Photo shoots are cut off for me too. )):
I no time or no slots.
Can't find the right time for both..

And plus on top of everything.
My personality's changing.
I feel I dunnoe how to talk to people already. -.-

I'm not dead peeps. HAHA. don't worry.
Just feeling a bit loser-ish.

I might not be blogging for few days. ((:
Nothing much to say anyways.
Unless you wanna hear my emo crap. ((:

I got a feeling he's gonna be okay tonight. ((:

Finding myself back,
melody

2009-04-29T09:46:00.020+08:00

I decided to pamper myself again. HAHA.
So I went shopping. ((:
Hey. It's important to feel loved okayy??

Stuff I got this week:
-2 new dresses.
- 2 shorts.
-2 speg tops. ((:
- CUTE sweat pants with Christmas-y trees prints all over.

Yeahs~!!! Omg. My style of Hiphop. ((:
HAHAHA. whatever. ((:

Catwalk lessons got pushed back to Friday. Lols.
Ah wells. And kor kor's gonna club on Thurs again.
Should I go? Lols. Ah wells.
Going out with him on Friday too. ((:

And omg. Seee.
DOPE righhttt?? mp3. *screams*
I really really do want one.. )):

Now that he's okay. ((:
I'm really happy. But really heartbroken too. /:

Carrie Underwood--I just can't live a lie

Oh, I know I could say we're through
And tell myself I'm over you
But even if I made a vow
A promise not to miss you now
And try to hide the truth inside
I'd fail cause I, I just can't live a lie.

I'm a goner,
What the heck are you doing, girl?
I just don't know anymore.

Understand girl, there's nothing wrong to love.
And no limitation to when it is the right time to end.
It's supposed to be natural. That's why it's love.
But it's bad when you're emo-ing and affecting your mood.
So if you choose to stay and see him through.
Don't emo. ((: Okay? Stay happy and love.

Dead and gone
---Melody

2009-04-28T11:45:00.010+08:00

Tee hee hee.
I sprained my ankle. HAHA.
While sitting in a cab. HAHA.
And. I sprained the joint that connects the butt and thigh.
While sitting down at smu yest. LOLS.
But it's not serious luh. Duh.

Main point is...
)))))))))))))))))))))))))):
I'm still clumsyy. )): lols.
And I'm made up of tooth picks. )): LOLS.
But hey, I don't look clumsy anymore okayy?? HAHA.
It's a starttt~!!! ((:

New loves~!!!
Food: Chili crab cup noodles. ((: Its the only thing that saves me from starving at night.
Clothes: Speg tops. ((: Yeahhss~!!!
I got a new fetish for rings. Toe rings too I don't know why. Just keep buying. LOLS.
And Zorro's fault. I keep buying puppy toys and snacks too. -.- LOLS.

HAHA. I was reading on dogs.
The eyeball can be popped out easily through trauma to the head but not just by being startled.
wth right? If Zorro's eyes pop out. I'd die. Lols.

((: I wanna paint my room soon. LOLS.
Yes. I'm gonna do it myself okayy?? ((: ((:
And set up the whole room myself. Unless it involves hammering and all. LOLS.

I'd wrap up my reflection day today. ((:
Maybe I'd post it later. See how??

Btw, my sip got deffered.

And I need to find new things to do.
Maybe fishing. LOLS. Need to relax and stuff.

Melody

2009-04-27T23:04:00.021+08:00

Enough okay??

Doesn't mean I joke with you the next day and pretend it didn't happen means its okay.
And yes, I was patient enough not to yell at you at all despite you hitting me again.

Just shows how much I love you okay?
I'm really really patient. But don't toy with me.
I swear. Cause when I explode. I really do.

Cause I'm so freaking pissed already.
Cause I've been really patient.
I really am.

Cause you don't know how much it takes just to stand there and being hit repeatedly, without a word, for something in which you didn't really deserve and have to say sorry after that.
Trust me. You don't know what it takes.
And it has been more than a year now okay?

Enough.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Today was madness~!!!! Lols.

3 hour break. rushed back home. take dance gear,
Rushed down to piano. ((:
Cause my teacher's flying off tml.
And can't make it for this Sunday's class.

Rushed back to school for lecture.
HAHA. den straight off to Smu. to session with serene, eulene, jas oon, jesscy, fas, binghui.

And I'm doing tut now. *smiles* ((: Lols.
I'm gonna ace my this round subjects. ((:
And I was on time for lecture at 9. Wee. HAHA.
And don't worry. I'm not skipping classes. ((:

It's hard. But I'm really trying to fit everything in.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And I'm really happy I'm able to help him. ((:
The man on the street. ((:

I shan't elaborate.
Cause, it was really really bad.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

2 new phrases for you girl,

-responsibility.
-and even more emotional control.

learn them. ((:

*Smiles* Yes. I know. ((:
And cause I know he's gonna be okay tonight. ((:
It's gonna be enough reason for me to smile in my sleep tonight.

Meaningful day I guess,
Melody.

2009-04-26T21:41:00.002+08:00

Monday. Session with Serene.
Tuesday. Modeling catwalk lessons.
Wednesday. Dance lesson & Look for supplier with Xinyi.
Thursday. I wanna go spa and facial. Pamper myself day. ((:
Friday. Photo Shoot
Sat. Zorro coming in, buy Zorro's stuff.
Sunday. Family day.

It's my life.
If I don't take control of it.
No one will.

Melody

2009-04-26T13:17:00.013+08:00

I came home at 12. And locked myself in the room and dance.
Till 1, My dad thought I came home at 1.

So he hit me.

3 times using a freaking towel which caused blue black.
That was how hard it was okay?
The last time he was aiming on my face.
Well. I covered myself. Hit my arm.

Den he took a chair and threw at me. twice.
1st one hit my hip.
The 2nd he was aiming for my face.
Well, it hit my shoulder. Cause I protected my head.

Den he pushed me to the ground and kicked me twice.
Which casue another blue black on my shin.

And I hit my spine. I can't walk properly.
Rather my tailbone hurts.
But I didn't tell them.
I don't want them to worry.

I didn't cry, or shed a tear.
I think I'm being insane again.
I didn't call anyone. Or anything.

Lols. I'm okay. Don't worry.

Daddy.
Please don't it or hurt me again. How do I let you know I love you so so very much. Despite everything, I do love you, Please don't hit me again. )):

Gosh, I love you daddy.
Don't hurt me.
I really do. so so much.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gotta plan my time properly.
Cause baby Zorro's coming in soon.
And I plan to go dance classes. model.
And continue my piano and study. And have friends.

It's retarded. It's gonna get really really really really busy.

Gotta by concession to. Cause I'd be traveling a lot.
I end at 4 everyday. I plan to come back and play with Zorro.
And at night go for my own activities. Den come back play more with Zorro,
And study. Cause he's a puppy. I don't want him to feel neglected.

I will die. I think I will really die.

I was aiming to get back myself.
But I think I've outgrown it.
As in I'm even more than what I was two years ago.
More matured. Stronger. More confident. More able to manage my life.
And somehow, kinder too.

And I want you to be okay.
No matter what you choose.
Just be okay, alright?
And I promise, If you're not,
I got your back. ((:
Jia you.

Breakthroughs, Please come.
Melody.

2009-04-25T12:37:00.007+08:00

More photos for CCA recruitment.
Lols. It's coming in one by one. Irrittaing.

Garage battle later. Jia you peeps. ((:
Will be cheering on for you guys. ((:

*screams* SO SILLY~~~~~~!!!!!

I hope this makes you feel less pain,
Yes, I love you.
And I thought you will never want to hear it again.
So I kept it away for months now.
And it doesn't matter if you choose to leave or not.
Cause love isn't like that.
Doesn't matter who loves 1st or makes the move 1st or wants 1st or cares 1st expresses 1st or even leaves 1st.
Yah, I made a mistake, Lols. My previous mistake.
And I am WOMAN enough at admit it here. ((: Lols.
Realise? Whenever you emo like that,
I'd always come back. Cause I care. You dummy.

It's just me,
Melody.

2009-04-25T00:00:00.002+08:00

Off to clubb. ((:

BYES

2009-04-24T13:09:00.015+08:00

Told you my day will be good today. ((:
It's always like that. Weird cycle.

HAHAS. I danced till 5 am yest.
Think cause of the pent up emotions.
I got breakthrough. ((:

SO cool rigghhhttt?? Ahhhh~~!!! HAHAHAS.
I feel so happy now. ((: LOLS.
But I think time to open up. Breakthrough with oneself is.
Different when others is around. ((:

And at Colin's. Learnt catwalks.
So freaking cool. ((: We catwalk down orchard roaddd!
And And And.. the dope thing is. HE wore heels. and did it with me.
DOPE righttt?? I feel so unwoman-ly. LOLS.
HAHAHAHA. Lols. It's not perfect yet.
But I'd do something about it.
I think he's gonna put me in a runway show soon.
Freaking excited. (((: *squeals*

Colin,
thanks for being a mentor, friend, manager, encouragement, giving me so many opportunities.
Without you.
I don't know where I'd be. ((:

DuDuDu~~!!!
Meet Serene. ((: Go somewhere with her.
Tpde wheel borrow thing tonight.
And clubbinnggg tonight with Kor~!!!! LOLS. ((:

I hope I don't die. LOLS. So tiring.

Hmms, take care of yourself okay??
You'd be okay. I know you will be. ((:
Stay strong. And anything,
Just gimmie a ring. ((:

Signing off,
---Melody

2009-04-23T09:17:00.011+08:00

I am freaking disappointed with myself.
Tut is at 9.00am.
I woke up at 9.15am.

So mc-ing on the 1st week of school.
What the hell.

Well done girl. Seriously. Well done.

No more repeats.
If not I'd kill myself.

Is peace really that hard? ))):
I guesss I'm living in my own bubble.

People are made to be loved.
And things are made to be used.
The only reason why the world is in chaos now is because,
People are being used.
And things are being loved.

Screwed up my commercial interview too.
Guess when you feel like crap.
Everything you do will be crap.

Headed down to find Serene, Jas and Carmen. ((:
Had fun. ((: Which made my day better. ((:

And my dad wants me to sleep at 10.30 everyday.
Wth. HELLO? My life just started at 10.30.
I think I'm gonna start feeling very empty-ish.

Matters to me. That today went badly.

But no matter.
Tml will be a better day. ((:
Make it a good start. ((:

Keep your smile going,

Melody.

2009-04-22T21:12:00.010+08:00

Hi peeps!

I'm home early. LOL.
To mug. ((: HAHA,
I plan to ace my subs man. ((:

And I had a hell of a time today. ((:
Luring Jas away from booth.
The look on Jas face when she saw the cake was rewarding enough.
The warmth I felt when she hugged me after. And all.
How we four went away. Just the four of us to open present.
Smiles. Laughter. Photos.

I love you all. All of you. ((:
Kukupenguin. unpicked pickle. aunty. ((:
More photos up soon~!!! ((:

Met Gary dumb ass TWICE.
What luck man. HAHA.
Passsed him his present. ((:
I know.. You stalking me rightt?? HAHAHA.
Hope you like it boy. ((:
Loves you. ((:

Today is Wed. I'm ready for commercial interview tml. ((:
I'd seal this deal. ((: I know I can.
More training for modeling o Fri morning.
What is it again Colin?
Catwalk. Becasue??

I walk like duck. Ahh. He's just so mean.
But I guess it's true. HAHA.

I feel loved. ((:

Yours truly,
Melody.

2009-04-21T23:39:00.013+08:00

HAHAHAHHAS. Gary sent me this video of him.
Which made me laugh my ass off at him.
HAHAHHAHAHAHHAS. really. Omg.

He's a trainee pilot see.
So they dared him to sit on this paper airplane at tamp 1.
HAHAHAHAHAHAS.

Bitch luh he.
Happy birthday boy. ((:
Loves you bitch.

Have fun. ((:

And even if you don't grow tall
I buy platform shoes for you.
I'm such a considerate friend no? ((:
Say thank you pretty girl. ((:

HAHAHHAHAS.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

KuKupenguin baby.
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAS. =X
Happy birthday.
I love you tuck loads. <3

For everything.
You're the best friend ever. <3

Enjoy your day okay baby?
I love you. ((:

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gah. I'm broke cause of the both of you.
HAHAS. Nevertheless, have fun. <3

2009-04-21T11:09:00.010+08:00

Some old photos.

I dun understand why I always turn out kiddy. HAHAHAHAS.
LOLS. ah wells. ((:

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dope blogsong.

From a distance.

From a distance the world looks blue and green,
And the snow-capped mountains white.
From a distance the ocean meets the stream,
And the eagle takes to flight.

From a distance, there is harmony,
And it echoes through the land.
Its the voice of hope, its the voice of peace,
Its the voice of every man.

From a distance we all have enough,
And no one is in need.
And there are no guns, no bombs, and no disease,
No hungry mouths to feed.

From a distance we are instruments
Marching in a common band.
Playing songs of hope, playing songs of peace.
Theyre the songs of every man.

God is watching us. God is watching us.
God is watching us from a distance.

From a distance you look like my friend,
Even though we are at war.
From a distance I just cannot comprehend
What all this fighting is for.

From a distance there is harmony,
And it echoes through the land.
And its the hope of hopes, its the love of loves,
Its the heart of every man.

Its the hope of hopes, its the love of loves.
This is the song of every man.
And God is watching us, God is watching us,
God is watching us from a distance.
Oh, God is watching us, God is watching.
God is watching us from a distance.

Hope is important. <3
And I feel peace is important too. ((:

Lols. Too bad if you guys don't like oldies. =p HAHA.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I love you Jesus.
I love you Xinyi.
I love you Lianghao
I love you Sc.
I love you Gen.
I love you Hongyu.
I love you BITCH Gary.
I love you Jas.
I love you Serene.
I love you Fion.

It's just me I guess. ((:
I'm falling in love with myself again. ((:

Melody <3

2009-04-20T22:45:00.006+08:00

Hi peeps. ((:
Woots~!!!! ((: Today was really busy.

Colin was bugging me to come down to his place today.
LOLS. Seriously. I said I wasn't free. Den he was like. Just an hour luh.
RAWRRR~~!!!! And he refused to hang up till I say yes. Idoit. =X
HAHAHAHHAHAS. Omg. Jkjk.

Turns out they're gonna push me for a commercial.
And I feel like puking whenever I think about it.
I don't think I'm ready. Honestly.
I'm far from ready. I wanna die from stress.
The interview is on Thursday. At 3pm.

But I will be on Thursday. I will be.
I promise myself.

I don't feel too good at all about this.

Headed down to Tampines.
Bought myself a nice tube.
Bunch of fake lashes for the commercial.
A hairband. Ring.
A good old book. ((:
And a cute little toy for baby Zorro. ((:

Went to school did formation for dance.
Well it was a 10 min thing. LOLS.
Btw, time to expand. But I dunnoe where to expand in dance.
Like. Who can help me and all.

Ran into my ex. On the bus.
Why do people always assume I'm attached? HAHA.
We exchanged contacts again. After how many years? 5 years.
Cause, I lost contact with him.

Met my pals. ((:
Decided to head to my home for pizza and movies with them. ((:
I decided I won't say anything,
But I realised I missed them a lot.
All the stupid jests and.. ((: Puns. Dirty jokes.
HAHHAHAHAS. I miss all of them ((:

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And thanks Gen I really do appreciate it.
I feel she's slowly breaking into my wall.
She's really means a lot to me now.
She's becoming someone I can't disappoint.
Or at least will by all means not to.

I'm the kind. Where its hard to break in.
But once you do. You'd always be in my heart.

Thanks Gen.
You showed me a lot. These few months.
My mentor, My friend and My sis. ((: well kind of. ((:

Cause I'm just me now. ((:

Melody. ((:

2009-04-20T01:23:00.009+08:00

Hey peeps.
This little bugger here is Zorro.
Cause of the brown patch on both his eyes.

He pees everywhere.
He poos everywhere.
He bites on paper.
He nearly jumped off a table.

All these in pets safari. In that short 1 hour?

And he's coming home with me on 2nd May~!!!
*squeals* After his 2nd vaccination.

He's really tiny.
Only 2 months old. ((:

He's my 1380 dollars baby. (:
Mad huh? Loves him to bits.

Zorro is a huge commitment.
He's still a puppy.
He's gonna need a lot of attention.
I feel stressed over him.
There's so many things I don't know and all.
And yes. He's my responsibility. My name is there.
Not my dad's or mum or my bro's It's Mine.
And I'm supporting him off my own money.
Cause daddy says he thinks I'm ready.
So he's gonna push me to do it.
And I'd be extremely disappointed with myself if I can't manage my life properly and all the feeding bathing and everything go to my maid or someone else.

My priority is him.
He's still a puppy.
Maybe after he grows bigger. I'd have more time. ((:

I don't mind anyone coming to play with him. ((:
Just gimmie a ring. ((:

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hmms. Good news?
I realise vets do earn a lot after they get their own clinics.
A LOT. Consultation is at least 100 bucks.
And some vaccinations can cost up to 1000 bucks one shot.

I guess that answers my only worry.

So. I guess I'm more or less going for it.

I have so many commitments now.
I actually do feel damn stressed even before school reopens.

-Friends.
-Family.
-Zorro coming in.
-Dance.
-Studies.
-Modeling.
-Piano.

And I still intend to take up a part time job as a vet asst.
Cause it's gonna help in my application to uni next time.
And modeling dance and piano is loves.
Ahhhh~~~ Screams***

And thats not all. I still wanna do French. RAWR~!!!
But I guess French has to wait.

Yes. I can do it. Go Huijing. ((:
I won't drop anything. No I won't.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Don't know much--Aaron Neville

Look at this face
I know the years are showin’
Look at this life
I still don’t know where it’s goin’

I don’t know much
But I know I love you
And that may be
All I need to know

Look at these eyes
They never seen what mattered
Look at these dreams
So beaten and so battered,

I don’t know much
But I know I love you
And that may be
All I need to know

So many questions
Still left unanswered
So much
I’ve never broken through

And when I feel you near me
Sometimes I see so clearly
The only truth I’ve ever known
Is me and you

Look at this man
So blessed with inspiration
Look at this soul
Still searching for salvation

I don’t know much
But I know I love you
And that may be
All I need to know

I don’t know much
But I know I love you
That may be
All I need to know

I don’t know much
But I know I love you
That may be
All there is to know

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Long post today. ((:
Ah wells.

Time to sleep. ((:

2009-04-18T08:10:00.007+08:00

Yah I got close to God last night.
And tears rolled down from my cheeks..
Cause I felt it. It not only came on strong.
It moved me. Overwhelmed me.
Suddenly. It just hit me. As I was praying.
Just SMACK. Like that.
And I could never be more sure. That it was him.

Cause I felt the holy spirit and everything.

Questions about life and him became answered.
The question about about destiny.
The question about reaching for your own happiness.
The balance between both and.
Everything.

Den he just hit me with this ans.
Just leave it. Don't forget. Don't pursue.
Don't try to figure out. Cause it'll be damn painful.
From who it is from? Why? This and that.
Cause the ans will never come. ((:
Just pray once and trust and forget about it.
He'd do something about it. ((:
Cause if you keep praying about it. Just means you don't trust. ((:
Cause if it happens, it happens. ((:

Cause. No matter what decision you make. There'd be a path for you.
Just a different one. ((:
There's no right or wrong path.
Just a path.

((: Dope. I feel so light hearted now. ((:

I woke up cause of my terrible freestyle yest.
And I couldn't stand it.
HAHAHAHAHAS.

2009-04-17T14:20:00.014+08:00

I realize what day today is.

And suddenly I don't feel too good at all.
Suddenly I feel tears again.

Olympiad. Jam and Hop. Cyhpher. Circle.

Memories.2 years ago.

I don't feel too good now. I swear.

No it will not affect my performance later.
I will not allow that.

It will not.

Got to pull myself together.
There are bigger things happening here.

Stop the freaking tears please.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Performance itself was good.

Jonas™ says:
wutttttttttt
you dont suck
the only thing that sucks tody
today
is the music
-.-
i cant even bounce to it

.xX l Huijingl ll Xx *uck.I suddenly realised. says:
Aww
hugs
I feel so sucky about myself.
)):

Jonas™ says:
i was thinking about that too
then when i went studio to freestyle
then i realised it's the music

Thank you.
I wouldn't have survived without your encouragement. ((:
And Gary for the dumb suan-ing and jests.
I haven't had that in a long time. HAHA.

I'd continue to work hard.
Cause I know I'd always let the music take control of me.
I'd get too high. LOLS. Den I'd do freaking 200000 waves in a beat. HAHAHHAS.
I've seen myself do it. ((:
Just gotta keep calm.

The pain is killing me.
Someone save me please?

)))))))))))))))))):

Oh God.

2009-04-16T13:27:00.021+08:00

*coughhss*
I'm sicccckkk. )))): BOO.

HAHA. Duh.
Serves me right for drinking Serene's water
And eating chilli crab cup noodles in the middle of the night. (((: LOLS.
((: Muahahahhahahas.

I woke up at like 5 with like. Mosquitos swarming and attacking me.
HAHAHHAHAHAHA. what a way to put it but yah.
((: LOLS. ((:

I'm not excited. About the performance.
I don't know why.
And since they're easy steps.
I'd train on showmanship this round.

I'm more excited about the jam and hop.
I'm more excited about freestyling later.
=XXXX

But I'd do my best.

I'd prove you wrong.
I really will.

I realize. I don't really care what other people say??
But what keeps me from moving forward.
Is the fact that I don't really believe in myself yet.
It's a personal thing. Lols.

I can't change the tide.
Nor can I change the direction of the wind.
But I can choose to say. All the best.
And take care of yourself.
And anything, I'd be here.
Watching your back. ((:

Melody.
Cause I'm just me.

2009-04-15T23:53:00.013+08:00

How does it feel like screwing up today? Huh?

- 21 bucks on cab cause you were late.
- Having low self confidence.
- And being all panicky AGAIN.

How does it feel like?
Saying oh shit I can't do it. 500 million times.
And giving the freaking face.
And have everyone staring at you.
And go what the hell is wrong with her.

How does it feel like?

Cause that's you right? You change.
For 4 days and drop back again.
Early for 4 days and 5th day. You drop back again.

And emotional control?
No more repeats of last night.
If not I'd just take my belt and hang you by the neck.
I so freaking swear.

Just grow up already, girl.
Just freaking grow up okay?

I'm suffering from inferiority complex these days.
I don't know what the hell is wrong with me.

Come back huijing.
Don't be stupid anymore.

So met Serene. And yes I was late.
And thus 15 bucks gone. Cabbing.

Taken was a good show.
Really should go and watch. ((:

Sessioning was fun? ((:
I learn a lot.
Both practical and theory. ((:
Just by sitting there listening and all.

Can't say much about letting go.
Cause I expected myself to freeze and be unable to do anything.
But I didn't. So fine.

But I do know what to work on already.

I can't thank you guys enough.
Cause I had fun. ((:
Thanks. ((:
And I'm sorry for squealing a million times.
I's just keep quiet next time.

Cause I really do have really high expectations of myself.
But yet I know I'm so far away.
In everything. Character and all.

Go me. Don't give up.

I'm okay. Just pissed with myself.

And Serene and Gen. I love you. Tuck loads.
Thanks for today.

2009-04-14T22:46:00.015+08:00

Smiles* Yeah I did it~!!
I did it~!! ((:

But I think I can do better.
Go me. ((: Expand. ((:

More habits to kick:
- Clumsiness (FAIL)
- Lateness (Almost)
- NO pinching of pimples.
- Being lazy. My pianooo.

Shopping trip. In Malaysia with Serene.
At the end of the week~!!!
Anyone wants to come? ((:

And I finished designing my room.
It's romantic. ((: Deep red.
Nice brown curtains. Which will set the whole room pitch dark.
Sofa. Coffee table with candle holders.

I plan to cook for my future bf. ((:
Steakkk~!!!! Yummy. ((:
And light candles only. I think it's really pretty.
Nice slow music. ((:

Perfect. ((:

Photo shoot's canceled tml.
Boo. Apparently 2 photographers cannot make it.
I think Colin's gonna expand more photographers for me.
I don't really wanna talk about it. Darn stressed.

But I'd be ready for it. I know he believes in me a lot.
And I wont let him down.

Ah wells. More time for session then. ((: LOLS. ((:
Session tml again. Muahahahahahas. ((:

2009-04-14T13:09:00.005+08:00

I'm suffering from insomnia.
Rolled in bed for 3 hours.
Gave up.

Stood in front of the fridge and dance.
Don't ask me whyy. I was getting water I think.
Hit my hand. -.-
Sang for an hour.
Did my mask.
Fell asleep on the couch.

Session at 2. Zzz.
Yeahs. ((:

I miss my best friend.
Meet up soon okay
But we're all busy people.
RAWR. )):

It's not for me anymore.

2009-04-13T23:17:00.008+08:00

Failure to break through.

I hate myself.

I danced. Freestyle till I couldn't feel a thing anymore.

But I got tired.
Then's when break though will come right?
After this. It will come.

Den my dad ask me to go to bed. -.-

Ughhh. Darn. )):

Tml.

Photo shoot on Wed.

I can be better than this.
I know.

Rb. ((: Cheer up. ((:

2009-04-13T10:25:00.005+08:00

Woke up at 8. Zzz.

Went down for a jog. ((:

Went over to her place after.

And she's doing fine.
She made her own breakfast. ((:
And I joined her. ((:

Smiles* That's great. ((:

Got practice later. Zzz.
But going to school at 12?
Help Carmen do up the noticeboard. ((:

Zzz. Sleepy day.

If it's one thing I won't change back.
Into a player.

I can feel your joy.
And it's like no other.
I'm really happy for you. :D
Keep smiling.
Cause that's how I want to see you.
Always smiling.

:DDDDDDDDD

And anything I'm right behind you. ((:

2009-04-12T00:06:00.014+08:00

I met my neighbor on the way back.

She just had cancer.
She just came from the doctor.

I don't know how to describe how I felt.

I did whatever I could for her.
Cleaned up her house.
Cooked for her. And talked to her.
Watched Tv with her.

Basically just accompany her. And have fun with her.

I dunnoe how I felt. After everything.
A whirl of emotions?
I'd go back and help her again in a few days time.
She's living alone.

I don't know. Why I get myself attached to people.
Who freaking will hurt me.
I hate myself at times.
I don't want to get hurt.
I really don't. But I really don't think I can sit there and just watch.

F*** luh. I do hate myself. I really do.
Urghhhhh.

Amazing. Last year Esther service.
I never did cry. ((:
This year. It was really streaming down.
I couldn't stop. One bit.

I love Jesus I really do.
Nothing can describe my love for him.
And what he's given up for me.

Kor. Come back soon. And watch sunset with me okay?
Hugs*

Journey to rediscover oneself?

Done.

I'm pretty much back. <3

2009-04-11T21:11:00.015+08:00

Melody's boobies are gonna disappear if her appetite doesn't come back soon.

Wait what boobies?

)))))))))))))))):

Ah wells.
((: Photo shoot was great.
But I had to plod around in a 5 and a half inch heels.
And I fell. )): LOLS. ((:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I bet no one knows I'm a Kim Gary fan?
And Edison Chen fan?

((: Yeahs. ((:

2009-04-11T09:59:00.002+08:00

These few days? Havoc. HAHA. ((:

But I'm loving it.

HAHHAHAAS. ((: I'm having pms.
SO I few into a rage and...

Started cleaning the whole house. :D hees.
HAHAHAHHAS. I know.
And I'd pound anyone who messes it up.
LOLS.

I'm being serious. ((:

Friday was spent running around to different places.
Went Tamp 1 with my parents. And shopped a lot. ((:
Yeahs. ((: HAHAHAS. ((:

After that went to my mum's friend's house warming.
And realized I got some contacts. In the finance industry.
I guess this path is really secure for me now.
Just whether I want to take it up or not.

Dinner with Tpde is okay. ((: Catching up.
At east coast. ((: Mas. But yah. Lols. ((:

Today. I got a photoshoot in an hour.
And I'm still home. I'm dead luh.
HAHAS. I'd probably cab down Hmms. ((:

2009-04-09T16:13:00.008+08:00

Smiles* drinks everyone. ((: Yeahss. ((: HAHA.
Went over to Sc's place. ((: Dope.
Drank a little. ((: HAHAHAHHAS.
Watched this really good. firm from Hk. ((:

HAHAS. Sushi~~!! was paid by like Xinyi.
Sc and I shared the pizza. ((:
Lianghao bought snacks.
In which we all counldn't finish. ((:
There was a lot left man. )): BOO. Lols.

Came home. Saw Raoul Issac, his bro. James. Pumar downstairs. Drinking.
Drank a little bit more. HAHAHHAS. ((:
I'm serious. It was only like sips. I promise.
Crashed at Raoul's house. Watched slum dog millionaire. AGAIN.
Till like 5am.

Accidentally fell asleep there. HAHA. ((:
Crawled back to my bed at 5. Zzzz. HAHA.

It's nice having happening neighbors. ((:
Once in awhile. I'd go wild. ((:

I decided to keep a diary instead. ((:

Chero 2 8s by tml. Zzz

Once you're doing well.
Like now. I shall disappear.
Shall watch you from afar.
But yet keep you safe and warm.
Whenever required.

Melodyy.

2009-04-06T12:11:00.003+08:00

No. I don't need my future bf to take care of me.
Nor do i need a lot of love anymore.

I need to be able to take care of myself.
The space to be able to take care of myself.
Unless I really fall flat.
I'm afraid of not having enough strength to take care of myself.

Ironically. Dependence is what I'm afraid of now.

Amazing how much I learnt. And how much I've changed.
Internally.

The amount of things I'm keeping inside.
I'm amazed with myself.

Which means good I guess.
Means I'm coming back. ((:

2009-04-05T22:17:00.003+08:00

Spend some quality time with my family today.
Really miss them loads even though I see them almost everyday. ((:

And ta daaa~~!!! 12 rounds. ((: Boring movie. Zzz.

Smiles* I'm still over the moon.

Hmm. Wonder what I shall do tml. ((:

2009-04-05T01:12:00.018+08:00

I'm loving every min of it.
I swear. I'm loving it. ((:

It's becoming bigger and bigger part of my life.

AHHHHH~~!!! Hugs lianghao. Thanks dear for the sms.
It meant the whole world to me. <3 It really did. ((:
Thanks to all who remembered. <3 Loves.

And even as I'm massaging my own sore butt. (:
Sore arms. Back. And Thighs.
I know every thing is just worth it. ((:

I know the empty-ish feeling's gonna set in real soon.
But hey, I can finally do the things I want. ((:

Next battle. KO night. ((:
I'm married to my love. Dance.

Because. I know. It might not be for me anymore.
But I'd still be here. ((:

2009-04-04T00:26:00.012+08:00

Today. I fell in love with the stage.
Today. I felt it. For the 1st time. I was up there. I wasn't nervous.
I didn't. Lose my footing. Lose my balance. I laughed. I played. I enjoyed.

I miss him so much luh. ((:

Us all. ((:

Today. I made a lot of friends.
Got a lot of encouragement.
Found out who believed in me. Received loads of hugs.
Words of encouragement.
And I'm really grateful to them. Because. I really was shaking. Badly.

I never want today to end
It was the best feeling ever when we bowed.
Indescribable. I cried. All the hard work. All the pain. I really felt it.

My parents are coming tml.
I'm gonna make them proud.

When Gen hugged me. Said she was really proud of me.
I don't know I can't describe it. I love her loads.
I'd never be who I am without her. Really.

TauHuay Choreographer. Dopeshit. HUGS**

For the random supports. ((: Encouraging smses. Thank you.
Inside. I'm really grateful.

HUGS* ((:

She never fails to make me laugh. ((:

His dummy reactions fails to make me laugh too. ((: HAHA. ((:

My 1st friend in Tp. Omg. Dope.
I'd love you always. she's seen me through everything. ((:
Hugs* And I will too. Always and forever.

Ko night partner. Dope girl. Loves her to bits. ((:
Keep improving girl. ((: Loves.
We'd rock the battle floor. ((:

This dear. Always reassures me. ((: Hugs* thanks girl.

Last but not least. This clique of friends. Who see me cry almost everyday. ((:
HAHAHAHHAS. ((: I love you guys loads. We're not perfect.
And there are times we get really pissed off at each other. ((:
HAHA. ((: But we're always there for one another when shit comes.
And That's what's most important. ((: That we're here for one another.

Thanks for walking through this journey with me.
You ALL. made it so much more meaningful. <3 onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_T53eYs-IOYc/SdZH-BXzh8I/AAAAAAAABdM/FUzzZaQBX4c/s1600-h/DSCF0457.JPG">

2009-04-01T23:51:00.004+08:00

I had fun today. ((:
Sure. There were some screwed up moments.
And panic attacks. HAHAHA.

But overall I had fun. ((:

1 more day people.
Let's put on a good show. ((:

Yeah~!!! Hongyu is coming back soon~!!!
Muhahahahhaas. ((:
Miss you hell loads. ((:
Take care if you get sick. I won't talk to you. HAHA. ((:

I wonder if you'd read.
You're not insignificant. ((:
And people would really care if you're gone. ((:
You left an impact in their lives.
Each and every one of them. ((: Best friends. Friends. And everyone.
Who comes across you. ((:
Becasue you're Martin Shing Yuk Yu. Understand?
That I assure you. ((: Promise you. Plus.. Cross my heart to you. ((:

I told Serene My eyes might be filled with tears.
But I'd never let it drop.
Not in front of everyone at least.

My only focus now. Is the show.
Show. <3

2009-03-31T23:46:00.006+08:00

I had fun today. ((:
I guess that's whats it's about no? ((: YEAHS. ((:

It doesn't matter anymore.
I just wanna have fun now. ((:
Hopefully. I won get stressed again tml. HAHA. ((:
It's really on and off. ((: LOLS. ((:

Zzz. Gonna sleep early. Zzz.

Tml at 11. Wee.

Bad habits to kick:
-The really blur face.
-Be early.
-Emotional control. ((:

2009-03-30T22:17:00.003+08:00

Dope~!!! I'm running a fever now. (((((((((:

Wells. Sleep early I guess. ((:

List of things to do:
-Find supplier for blog shop.
-Design my own room.
-Practise my piano.
-Cut my damn fringe

Zzz. Maybe tml. ((:

2009-03-28T22:25:00.012+08:00

I woke up with screams and shouts hurled at each other between mummy and daddy.
I don't know what to think.
Except thank God my brother is gone for Ncc.
So damn messed up.

But I felt okay luh. Overall. ((:
Things in my family's getting a little messy again. -.-
Ahhh. Wellls. Screw it. ((: It'll tide over.

Dance was okay. Just normal.
I'd get myself back by Monday. ((:
Need to get used to the no mirrors thing. ((:

It's one of the days when you feel like. You suck in dance.
And everyone hates you? Cause of the little stuff they do.
Roll eyes and such. I know. I don't think I'm well liked there. But I'm facing it.
Everyday. for dance. I will. Be happy. Full out. And try to ignore. It's hard.
But no. I don't want anyone to comfort me. Not becasue I don't wanna burden people.
But I really want to get out of this myself.
I really really need to get myself back.
And I will dwell in this for like 5 hours or one bloody day if it means getting out of this myself.

Finding back the old me.
I really miss myself.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yes. You all still mean something to me.
Occasionally. I'd think back and smile. ((:
It's been awhile. ((:

But there's still a place for you guys in my heart. ((:

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Here is the analysis:

You desire a love that will last forever. You are quite serious about finding this type of love, and that's why you think carefully about the men that you meet before deciding whether you could really love them. You don't just develop a crush on someone overnight: you look at a person's personality and other aspects of their life before deciding to form an attachment. If a guy doesn't meet your expectations, you would rather be alone. Your love has to be perfect. Be careful though, you could be missing out on some worthy relationships because your standards are so high.

One step at a time. ((:

2009-03-27T23:50:00.010+08:00

Lols. I knew Joey was gonna shoot me.
Damn badly. ((:
But I know she has a reason to.
HAHA. I won feel the pinch if she does it nicely.
And she knows. LOLS.

Ahhh. I was upset.
But I didn let it run all over my face. ((:
Yeahs. ((: ((:

And yah. I'm gonna bounce. PROPERLY.
Like 1/2 hour before I sleep or something every night.
And I'd try to go early and correct my aliment tml.
I think I'm blind cause. I cant see the difference.
I SWEAR. I AM BLIND. LOL.
But I'd learn how to see? I have to no? LOL.

Love. I haven't touched on that. In awhile.
I foresee. I'm gonna have problem falling in love again.
I'm damn afraid of commitment now.
Yah. 1st time. I know.
Yah. and gen's right. I guess. I cant really forgive myself yet.
For letting myself fall into this state.

I realise. I don't miss or love anyone now.
But myself. The strong, quiet, caring and happy me back.
The time when martin was found in my room?
We weren't doing anything. We were just talking?
And my dad slapped me.
And I didn't cry at all?
Yah. Those times. Those steel times. ((: LOLS.

I miss myself. I really want myself back now.

And I realise. I don't need thousands of friends now.
Just main groups of people. ((:
The attention I require to feel loved is like significantly lesser.
Lols. ((: I kind of solve my own problems now.
With help of God. Of course.
That shows what? I've recovered no? ((:
And stuff. ((: It's like re-growing up all over again. ((:

-.- And no. When I get myself back. I won't ever lose it again.
For anyone.
That's what I learnt. ((:

Thanks to all. Who walked me through this far. ((:
I'd never made it without any of you guys. ((:

LOLS. RB. JUST FLIP THE GIRL LUH.
You can do it one. ((:

2009-03-25T23:46:00.004+08:00

There are a lot of emotions running through me now.
No it's not love.
No it's not care.
None at all in fact.

It's hatred and URGGHHH.
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
I hate myself.
For not catching steps today.
For being stupid. For being slow.

fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
I HATE MYSELF.

(*&^%$#@#$%^&*(*&^%$#@

Whatever it is.
It won't affect my dance tml.
I promise.

I need to have more emotional control.
It can't just PIAK all over my face.

URRRGHHHH. FUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCKKK.
)(*&^%$#@@#$%)(*&^$#@#$%^&
fuck fuck fuck fuck.

I hate myself.

Urgh. Damn it.
JUST KEEP IT IN GIRL.
No matter how much you wanna vomit it out.
Just fucking keep it in.

2009-03-24T23:19:00.013+08:00

((: I apologised to Joel today.
I swear. Took a lot of guts to admit that you're in the wrong.
But I'm happy I managed to do it. ((:
At least there is a proper closure to this situation. ((:

I went home with a lot of thoughts today.
The world is such a computed place.
))))))))))))):

Sighs. Destines intertwined.
Is it God's saying? Or your own?
Becasue you gave it up.
That's why God doesn't think you deserve it.
Or no matter how much you try. You'd never get it.
Is it fate? Or like. Just coincidence?
God's will? Or built by your own hands?
I really have no idea.
But one thing one can decide.
If it is worth the price or not.

Love. What really is it?
But love can't survive alone can it?
It needs individual ambitions, goals, dreams. added with love.
Then it will flourish.
I guess it's like a baby, you pay too much attention to it.
You will spoil it.
Cause. It's in human nature to take what you have for granted.

I guess. after everything. That's what I learnt. ((:
Don't get stepped on.

There are loads of stuff. a lot of stuff.
I want to say straight forward-ly.
But I'd never do it at the expense of hurting you.

2009-03-23T10:26:00.003+08:00

List of things to do:
-brush up on my dance.
-get my bloody laptop fixed
-design my own room.

Say tic tac people.
As fast as you can.
Becasue thats the speed my lappie ons and off itself.
NO. it crashed on meeeeee.
Wth right? ((: LOLS.

Bryant came over at like 12 am the night before.
HAHAS. he got chased out of house.
Lols. baby. ((: HAHA.
We chatted till 4am.

Then then then then..

Colin that ass. called me at 6am.
ASS. 6am?? 6 am??
So I dragged my ass down to clark kuey
Apparently one of the model assistant's disappeared.
So have to stand in. -.-

No photos allowed. )):I got pics of clark kuey though. HAHA.
You guys want? LOL.

Rushed down for daddy and mummy's line dance class. (((:
Went to see. ((: LOL. ((:
It was a pleasant surprise for them?
It's nice. To make someone's day. ((:

camwhored. a little. ((:

Den headed down for a spa. DOPE~~ AHH.
hahhaa. Lol.
My bro says I ook like I'm in a hotel room waiting to be bedded or something. LOL. --.--

Zzz. Dance in 2 hours. Dope. Go back to sleep 1st. ((:

2009-03-21T23:35:00.002+08:00

I got kicked out of tml's roadshow.
))))))))))))))))))))))):
Lols. Cause he put me as inactive becasue of dance.
BOOOOO. )): LOLS.

Dance was dope. Really enjoyed myself like hell.
Went song and song. Is it spelled like that?
LOLS. bought myself sweat pants. ((:

I sewed the rubber in. ((:
yeahs~~!!!So proud of myself. HAHA.

And to say. I LOVE SERENE. JAS AND. CARMEN LOADS.
hugs~~!!!!

Rushed down to meet cousins~~!!!
Celebrate birthday. ((:

Bowling. K box. Buffet dinner.
Pics will be up soon~!!!
Loves the birthday boy. ((:
He's so cute luh. So shyy. ((: And my cousins.
Dope people.

Piano scheduled tml.
Rawr. Lazy. )): Lol.

2009-03-20T00:38:00.002+08:00

fuck you

2009-03-18T18:33:00.007+08:00

As I was walking back.
I saw this grandma and grandpa.
They were lugging heavy bags to be thrown away.

And surprisingly, her daughter is just on her phone. like. 30 plus?
And furthermore signaling them to hurry up and stuff.
She was just laughing on the phone and being totally oblivious to the situation.

What the freak. Honestly. What the freak.
What the *uck. Whta kind of a daughter are you?
And I though I was bad.

I went to help in the end.

And I saw their gratidtude? ((:
And the warmth I felt is enough to make my whole day.

Dance was dope. Had a lot of fun.
It's my only outlet of emotions.
Its the only place I am truely happy.

I called xinyi. Caught up with her.
Miss them a lot. )): aww.
I love dnace. But I hate the commitment required.
Rawr. )):

Next thurs.

Haha. It's supposed to be a-laugh-at-him-show. ((:
LOLS. ((:

I can't wait for tml to be over.
I am finally free.

This cute American guy added me online. ((:
Lols. and he's so cool. So darn open ((:
I told him all my relationships and stuff like in like a day?
I know its a normal thing for liangaho but yah.

HAHAS. cool dude. ((:

After concert I promise myself, I'm venturing out into the streets.
I dunnoe how. Or if I will survive.
But I will do it.

Just ignore it. Just ignore it. You know it's your fault anyway.
So just ignore it and stay strong.

2009-03-17T17:57:00.005+08:00

I'm back at 5.15!!!!
Lols. Dope no? Its like home confinement people.
Rawr. But I have only myself to blame I guess. LOLS.

I was happy.
I went to dance. Enjoyed myself like hell. ((:
Rushed down to school. Look for teacher for help.

Went down to studio. For briefing of roadshow. Rawr~~
But rejected it. HAHA. Cause it was on performance day. -.-

Headed home.

2009-03-16T19:24:00.008+08:00

Each day I am able to step into the studio. Is joy to me.
I'm grounded and the fact my parents does not know I'm still dancing?
Adds on to the joy. That I am still able to be here.
Reminds me to be grateful. Of what I have.

So even though. I danced only once today. and didn full out.
I felt really happy. That I can be here.
Its dangerous. I get it. I might die. I get it.
But to ask me not to dance. For something which I didn deserve in the 1st place.
Is madness for me.

HAHA. You'd probably see a crazy girl running across the freaking bridge.
HAHA. It's like a race with them. Who gets home 1st.
Bathed and changed. Kept my dirty clothes. ((: Lols.

I relaised I won't be able to commit as much into this musical.
Both becasue I'm not there yet. And I dun't have the time.
I just have more imprtant stuff to do. ((:

I'm really needing my religion. More and more.
I feel his presence. More and more each day.
I feel more and more loved. And a deeper conncetion which I can never understand.
I will never let God down. He somehow. Became, important enough for me.
Not to let down. (((:

Random.

And to Xinyi. Sc and Lh. I really love you a lot. ((:
For everything. For being with me every step of the way.
For being there when I always fall. And cry. Being a baby and all.
Nevr once find me trouble some.
And for being there to share my joy too.
You're the greatest bunch of friends I'd ever have.
For drinking with me. ((: Whenever I want to feel happy.
And for sending me home when I'm not sober.
Hugging me and comforting me. when I'm not sober, screaming and crying all the pain out.

I wouldn't have made it without you all.
I daresay. I'd give up. Almost anything for you guys. ((:
We've come through a long way.
And I would say. I never knew I could feel such love for my friends.
Or I never knew friends could ever mean so much to me.
You guys taught me that. And it;s something I'd never forget.

Jas. Serene. Fas.
Thanks for being there. Whenever I cry during dance.
Because of low self esteem issues.
It seems that everyday. I have some issues.
But thanks for never giving up on me.
Thanks for believing in me.
Even though it's not my time to prove everyone wrong now.
I will. After everything that needs to be done.

For the people who believe in me. Yes, I'd do you all proud.
Thats my promise to you all.

And yes. Gen, you're right, through this. I saw. Who is really there.
To hold your hand and walk you through this journey.
An esp big thank you to you too. You know why.

I found true friends.
And the beauty of it?
It's just.. can't be expressed in words.

Melody.

2009-03-15T22:41:00.002+08:00

Saturday. ((:

Okay. Those were all accusations.
Shoot your mouth off.
So I spent one whole day being tortured by my dad for it.
Doesn't mean I don't speak up means you're right.
I just can't be bothered anymore. To argue with you.

Whenever I say something, you'd say it's shit.
Whenever I dun't say something, you say I'm running from it.
What do you want from me?

He said he'd hit me till I admit to all his accusations.
He wants me to tell him the truth but he hits me to admit to his lies.
Becasue he asumes he is right.
And so he did. So I have scars on my legs. Tighs. Mostly.
And I'm grounded for something which I didn't do.

Whatever luh. This has been going on for like what? 2 weeks?
And the evidence is just there. Right in front of you.
You just chose it ignore it. Asshole. I even took it out in front of you.
But ha. You just kept switching topics. Bringing up old stuff.
And excepting me to compramise on behalf of the unrelated mistakes that I had done previously.
Some previous mistakes are true. Which I would gladly admit.

But some? Esp the past few month's? Is crap.

Disfigure me then. I don't care. That's what you threatened me right?
But I won't admit to something in which I think I am right.
And all the evidence is there.
No matter how much you hit me.
I will not do it.

2009-03-14T21:12:00.002+08:00

Today's a really bad day.
But I know I'd get through. ((:

2009-03-11T22:42:00.003+08:00

Urgh. Photoshoots. One last mon. Another on sunday.
I cant wait for my payday.
And my dman photos to come in. URGHH.
Muhahahahahs. (:

Like dance. I feel very low condidence. Why?
I need to pick myself up. Prove people wrong.

That I am not a fucking loser.

I might take a break tml or something?
Cause I cant go with this kind of mindset.
I gotta believe I'm good.

I'm steadily deproving. And I know it.

Caught up with xinyi, lh, and sc. ((:
On the phone with all of them. I LOVE THEM LOADS. ((:
And Gen~~ I love them loads.
Hugs~~ ((: I really love them.

2009-03-10T22:11:00.008+08:00

LOLS. I have no idea why I cried too.
I swear. My tear ducts suck.
They're like free flowing.
HAHAHHAHAHAS. ((:

I'm gonna sleep early tonight?
so I can feel the music tml. ((: LOLS.
I cant feel a thing today. LOLS.

I'm striving. I really am. But I feel I'm getting no where.

.Its.Just.Me.This.Girl

Now that I'm not in a relationship. I can comment right?I mean I have a better view of what I want need and stuff.

Horoscope Overview

Now that I'm not in a relationship. I can comment right?
I mean I have a better view of what I want need and stuff.